Kick Back

If you searched the word “unsuccessful” in my Gmail inbox, I think there would be about a hundred results. For someone who excelled at school and was deemed “good at everything” growing up, this new wave of rejection has been a hard thing to accept.

I heard stories of ‘the starving artist’, but told myself that would never be me. Yet here I am, working an entry-level job with 18yr olds while I have a Bachelor’s degree (with Distinction) and what feels like a whole lifetime of industry experience. 

At times, I get upset about this, but I always have hope. As Trent Dalton put it, “the world will kick the shit out of you, but your creativity is your chance to kick back”. Dad has been telling me to “K.T.D.D.” or “kick the door down” (the man loves an acronym), so there’s a lot of kicking being encouraged within my creative sphere at the moment.

I think they’re right, it is my turn to kick, and I will definitely be kicking with my creativity. It’s the strongest metaphorical bone in my body. I’ll kick hard with words and art and music that is too good to ignore, and maybe someday it’ll force the door open. The door to a great career, the door to bigger projects, the door to financial stability, the door to a bigger audience. The door to opportunities that I simply cannot create for myself (trust me, I’m trying).

So, now I’m kicking. I’m writing and singing and drawing and chatting and watching and listening and reading and walking. I’m taking photos and I’m daydreaming and I’m sending emails and I’m posting videos. It’s all kicking. It’s all chipping away at the doors. 

I sometimes like to imagine myself thinking back on this stage of my life in a decade or so, as a confident, successful, 30-something who just wishes she could travel back in time to tell me that everything will be okay. She’d be thankful for all of the doors I kicked down as well as all of the rejections and failures. The more I kick now, the stronger she will be.

Rose