Time, Money and ‘Useless’ Talents’

I think my life would be well-spent in a cabin in the woods, surrounded by creatures (pets and wildlife), creating things for the people I love. I can draw and paint and embroider and sew a little bit and write and sing and play guitar and take nice photos and videos and I’d love to spend more time on all of these things. I’d love to take ceramics classes and get back into ballet and be able to play more instruments.

However, we must work. A mentor of mine once told me that he’d “like to do more painting and less of the other stuff, but that’s always the goal, right?”

This stuck with me because it’s how I’ve always felt. Despite living a well-rounded life and enjoying a little bit of hard work, I will never stop wishing that more of my time could be spent doing things that I am actually good at. Things I love. An eight-hour shift in my hospitality job means eight hours where I can’t be creating. And I like my job, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t think it’s what I was put on earth to do. 

I stand behind the bar, serving customers, making cocktails, thinking about the fact that they have no idea that my art, my music and my writing have each been evocative enough to bring people to tears. They have no idea that I spent the day trying to capture the feeling of love in a couple’s portrait commission or dictate my raw, imperfect thoughts and feelings in the digestible form of a blog. They have no idea that I am, actually, good at some things.

I’ve come to envy those with a linear career path that has led them straight to their passion and I’ve had to accept that that simply won’t be the case for me. I dream of sick leave and a yearly salary, but not more than I dream of a studio filled with creations that I’m proud of.

In our modern, capitalist world where money is seen as the key to all stability, peace and happiness ( incorrect), being an artist isn’t very practical. In fact, it almost feels like a small act of rebellion. I, personally, do not want to be a corporate graphic designer. I just want to be an artist. I just want to do what I love.

We have so little time. I know how I’d like to spend mine.

xx Rose